So I did get to the gym today and it did boost my mood. It’s amazing how well that works for me at times. The problem I guess is that it’s not sustained for more than a couple of hours. I’ve noticed that my mood rhythm has switched and now I tend to crash more in the evenings (it used to be the morning).
It’s been an odd afternoon in here but I brought smiles to some of the other ladies by bringing out my laptop and taking song requests. They even danced in the garden which was nice to see, particularly after the stressful few days we’ve had on this ward.
It’s now nearly midnight though and my head is racing. It’s flooded with thoughts of little man, and work, and what to do for the best. I’m going to see little man for the first time in weeks on Thursday and instead of being excited, I’m nervous. I’m worried that all those thoughts of resentment and frustration towards him will come flooding back. I do miss him now, but I’ve missed him before and when he came to visit, I couldn’t stand more than 45 minutes with him. That sounds absolutely horrid doesn’t it. I’m also worried that his little idiosyncrasies will be all that I can focus on, and that seeing him will upset me.
I also now stink of smoke from standing out with the other ladies. I can’t stand the stench of cigarette smoke, and my clothes are now drenched in it.
I hope sleep finds me tonight.