477. Breathe…..

The pressure starts in the crinkle on my nose between my eyes. It builds and moves to my head and my ears and I begin to hear pounding, louder and louder and LOUDER. Sometimes my ears feel hot, but not always. Finally it spreads to my lips and I can almost feel them swell. I can still breathe but it’s laboured…..and then I release………

It’s actually a little painful when I do, but then comes the rush of relief…mild euphoria.

I don’t know why I’m doing it, I don’t know what I get from it, and I don’t know why I want to do it again, but I do….

I don’t tie it, so even if I were to pass out, my hands would drop and it would fall away. It’s escalating though. I’ve done this in hospital, and rarely but occasionally at home. Today it’s all I can think about.

It always starts in the crinkle of my nose……….

Loopy x

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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