The pressure starts in the crinkle on my nose between my eyes. It builds and moves to my head and my ears and I begin to hear pounding, louder and louder and LOUDER. Sometimes my ears feel hot, but not always. Finally it spreads to my lips and I can almost feel them swell. I can still breathe but it’s laboured…..and then I release………
It’s actually a little painful when I do, but then comes the rush of relief…mild euphoria.
I don’t know why I’m doing it, I don’t know what I get from it, and I don’t know why I want to do it again, but I do….
I don’t tie it, so even if I were to pass out, my hands would drop and it would fall away. It’s escalating though. I’ve done this in hospital, and rarely but occasionally at home. Today it’s all I can think about.
It always starts in the crinkle of my nose……….